Dear Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, 

Thank You. That is all.

Love,

All of your Lady Friends

And We're Off...

Chiwetel Ejiofor was robbed....

Forgive me, but it is killing me that he was robbed of an Oscar for one of the best performances of 2013.  Not to diminish Matthew McConaughey performance-- it was great but not as good as Chiwetel.

He was robbed.

Robbed I say, robbed.

*Sigh*

BRING IT!

The Best Oscar Dresses of All Time...well, according to CNN.

I'm not sure I agree with all of their police work but I do love this incredible shot of Shirley MacLaine.

For the entire slideshow, follow the link and enjoy!

http://www.cnn.com/2014/02/26/showbiz/gallery/best-oscars-dresses/index.html?hpt=hp_c4

20 Feet From Stardom: If Documentaries Could Win Best Picture

 

I know the clock is ticking, I know.

 

However, I am glad I took the time to follow Elizabeth's recommendation and squeeze this in. This will be the best-spent 91 minutes of your entire Oscar season. It’s OnDemand so it may be viewed in the comfort of your own home, which turned out to be a good thing for me because 15 minutes in I was cranking the volume to what was, quite frankly, a ridiculous degree.

Elizabeth mentioned chills in her review. They are spine-tingling. This documentary captures an amazing time in music history on top of profiling women who have ungodly amounts of talent.

I am so very glad I took the time.

Spike Jonze gives birth to prophetic Alien Child

Because, in the end, as it turns out, this is ALL we wanted to say to Joaquin AND Jonze.

20 Feet from Stardom

Nominated for Best Documentary

Do you know the name of the woman that sings on Gimme Shelter? You know the "Rape, murder... it's just a shot away"
Do you know the astonishing number of hits songs by Darlene Love?
Do you know what it is like to spend your career 20 feet from stardom?

Well this movie answers all of those questions for you.  This is an in depth look at back up singers.  Some of these ladies dreams of making it big as a solo artist and some of them are comfortable just where they are in the background.

This is a fascinating and very well done documentary.  I truly enjoyed every minute and got the chills several times. One of the times I got the chills was when Merry Clayton (Rape Murder! lady) tells the story of recording that epic song.  They then strip away the Stones music and isolate just her singing those lines.  Her voice is so powerful and raw and full of EVERYTHING it is breathtaking.

I know we are tick tick ticking down, but if you get the chance to rent this on demand, please do.  Great film!

Like 35,257,183,259,143 times better than Her :-)

Whirling Dipshit

Let’s, for a minute, hold up Siri as the closest we have to an interactive Operating System.  That said, its reasonable to believe that Siri will ultimately evolve to the point of intuition – the understanding of human emotional cues, the projection of human emotion and the even the ability to build human relationships built off those capabilities. 

It’s also reasonable to believe that this evolution would make a fascinating premise for a film.

Also reasonable, someone with Adaptation and Being John Malkovich on their resume might just have the chops to bring all this together. 

Well, abandon all reason. “Her” is a complete waste of time and suffers from a terminal failure of execution at every turn.

The script is choppy, infantile, and utterly boring. The next time someone asks you “’what’s wrong” or “what’s up,” consider yourself fully versed in the complexity of the dialogue.  

The acting, if you can call it that, is cliché and one dimensional. I’m fairly certain that the OS, Samantha portrays the most varied emotion in the piece, but you can’t believe any of it because she’s a f’in computer and Jonze did nothing to assist in the suspension of disbelief. SPOILER: Samantha has a 60 second long orgasm about 20 minutes in. Really? No, I mean really? 

Have you seen the movie poster? Joaquin Phoenix’s pouty ass face? Well, then you’ve experienced 75 percent of the cinematography (and of Phoenix’s acting), and frankly been spared the hideous wardrobe choices. So, 9” pant zippers in the future? Just, no.

  

Now, if we take this movie as an unintentional comedy, then we can start awarding points, because you will laugh. You’ll laugh so hard you may get thrown out of the movie before it’s unremarkable but merciful end.  You’ll laugh at how insanely insipid this “progressive” relationship is; you’ll laugh at the ancillary characters as they take this relationship in stride;  and more than anything,  you’ll laugh at the thought that Jonze believes he’s created something of substance. Pretentious, boring, inept, nothingness.  

What I’m not laughing at – this film has been nominated for multiple Oscars and granted endless glowing reviews.  Joaquin’s Theo clearly isn’t the only one jerking off. 

F-Her. 

Dear Gravity,

Please do not be a 'Life of Pi' in Space.  See you soon on the sofa.

Sincerely,

The Lady Friends.

Her = Hateful

Lady Friends....
What the hell was this?

One review I read when this came out, and then re-read just now, says:
"And while Samantha's programming is designed to make her likable to Theo, her assimilation of humanity's tics soon have the operating system feeling emotion, or the simulation of it, and while the viewer is being beguiled by the peculiarities and particularities of Theo and Samantha's growing entanglement, he or she is also living through a crash course on the question of what it means to be human."

Well all I got from this is that what it means to be human is to be boring and silly.  If I could only use two words to describe this film and everyone in it it would be "boring and silly"

Joaquin's acting was just GOD AWFUL....well unless he was trying to play this character as a dimwitted 14 year old boy.  Because if that is what he was going for... SUCCESS.  Honestly, the "relationship" between Theo and Samantha is right out of 8th grade dating 101.  The only slightly interesting relationship in the movie was handled badly... I would have like to see more of poor Rooney Mara's character... but um no.

Kofi & I talked in the car on the way home and she said to me that the kernel of the story is interesting but there has to be a better way to portray artificial intelligence.  I said to her... "PLEASE!!! I liked 'I, Robot" better than this movie. 

Needless to say... the Lady Friends were NOT on their best behavior during this movie.  At several points I had both hands clasped tightly over my mouth and nose... One reason was to cover the inappropriate laughter that kept bubbling up and the other reason was in the hopes that I would asphyxiate myself and get out of the movie.

Fletcher... your note about the costumes was DEAD ON.  Beyond distracting. To quote Miss Kofi "Why are his pants up to his nips?  Do they make 10 in long zippers in the future?"

This movie was WORSE than Philomena!
I hate you Her... I hate you.

What are you smiling about, Douchebag?

 

Her makes me wish I’d been kinder to Philomena. I won’t go on and on about how much I disliked this movie, though lord knows I could. I will say that had this same relationship been played out with a live actress it still would have been boring, and yes I get the point of the movie, that all relationships go the same way in the end and isn’t that just the way of the world. BORING.

Jaoquin Phoenix and I have always had an on/off relationship to start with but his mug, for 126 minutes, was just too much to take. The acting fell flat and I just didn’t care about anyone in this movie.  I found myself envying  other theater-goers getting up to use the bathroom in the middle of it. So here’s my take on it.

He was a twit.

His ex-wife was a dish rag.

His friends were drips.

His OS system was no different than any other f*cked up girl pretty girl who screws with your head.

His job was kind of cool.

The only interesting lines in this movie were uttered by this video game  character, which was in fact Spike Jonze’s voice so essentially, in my book, he saved all the best lines for himself.

 

I will continue to hate this movie until the stars turn cold.

12 Years A Slave

Also known as "Just when I thought I couldn't hate the South any more than I already do..."

I do not feel eloquent enough to give a review that will do this film justice so I will just touch on the moments that really stood out for me last night.

This was a one-time last showing of 12 Years A Slave (it had left our theaters a while ago) with the ONLY mention of the one showing being found on the internet.  Nothing on the 'now showing' board or on the marquee.   It was in one of the smaller theaters- #17 out of 18 -- the spot above the door read "Special Showing" and I arrived early to get my favorite seat - as always- and walked into a 75% full theater 25 minutes before show time.  By the time the trailers started, we were shoulder to shoulder- every seat taken--- EVEN the wheelchair areas full with people in wheel chairs.  People moved together without being asked to accommodate the stream of incoming patrons, putting their coats on their laps instead of heaping them in a seat.  People wanted to be here and most of them were on their best behavior.

Normally I HATE full theaters and despite a handful of idiots displaying their normal idiot behavior (commenting on EVERY trailer, guffawing, singing, snarfing... see previous reviews from Lady Friends for full list of behaviors) the crowd was respectful, quiet (for the most part) and there is something to be said for the collective gasps of horror during parts of this film and the sniffling and quiet but collective nose wiping that accompanied the end of the film.

I loved this film.  Give them the awards, because hands down this is just so well put together from start to finish I don't see how it can lose.  Just all around well done.  Quite honestly, the weakest link for me was Brad Pitt's accent.  Seriously.  He looked amazing but sounded like a caricature. 

It is a heart-breakingly beautiful movie.  I loved it.  

 

Hate you laaaaater...

 

Mrs. Philomena Doubfire

Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here...

 

I’m not sure on which plane of reality this movie is in the same category as 12 Years A Slave but it is up for the same award. Shocking.

Let’s begin with the fact this felt a bit like Steve Coogan was in one movie and Judi Dench was in another.

The good (and by good I mean not total shite): I found Steve Coogan’s performance the only ‘high note’ in this dreadful film. While some of you may be inclined to think I’m giving him a pass because he’s a British gentleman, I’m not. His portrayal of Martin Sixsmith was a good mix of world-weary, self-interest and genuine curiosity. At no time did Sixsmith become a shining knight sent to right all wrongs and his even-handed treatment of situation was competently portrayed. He was funny at times, skeptical at times, affronted at times…you know, like a real human. That being said, there did seem, an incongruity to his grumpiness. In one scene he becomes taciturn for no apparent reason and it feels strange and awkwardly acted.

The bad: What I cannot forgive Steve Coogan for is being responsible for this screenplay.

The ugly: Judi Dench did not write this screenplay but one can only presume she read it before she agreed to the film. This role was a strange mix of befuddled, naiveté and seemingly out-of-the-blue sophistication in her world views. This is a woman who prattles on about romance novels and blathers about her hip replacement as if she is half way to dementia and in the next scene is cracking wise about the clitoris. I won’t even mention the BIG issue since some of you may yet see this and I won’t ruin the ‘plot twist’.

It’s not that people cannot have different facets and sides of their personality, we all do. What was impossible to ignore is that Judi Dench was acting like completely different people in these scenes. Kind of like ‘Sybil Looks for a Baby.’ At times it felt so over the top ‘sweet old lady’ I really did feel like Robin Williams might be under all those wrinkles somewhere.

This movie was filled with corniness that was meant to be endearing and heart-tugging situations that fell flat.

This was an interesting story. Too bad this was a boring movie portrayal of it.

Dame Judi STENCH

Let this review serve as a Lady Friend PSA.... If I can save just one Lady Friend from seeing this movie, it will be a win!

Let's dive right in shall we?

• This movie is TERRIBLE
• Sheila and I walked out the theater wondering what Judi and Steven Coogan were thinking.
• It is like a simpleminded person wrote the script.
• They made Dame Judi into an overly simpleminded rube... She is so impressed with Chocolates on the pillow and bathrobes at the hotel.  I never want to hear Judi talking about Nachos ever again. 
• Steven Coogan's character is supposed to be the cynical sophisticated gentleman to Judi's rube old lady... but he comes of just as goofy as she does.
• I really didn't need another reason to hate the Catholic church, but this movie did indeed give me another reason.

I could literally go on and one but what is the point... you could have stopped after the very first bullet point above.  But now I am going to get into the people we saw the movie with.  Sheila and I are no spring chickens... but we were the youngest people in the theater by 20 years.  The crowd was my least favorite movie going crowd... I have dubbed them the "Audible Reactors".  Lots of gasps and "oh no's" at key moments.  Plus they all laughed like hyenas at the terrible jokes in this movie.

Save yourselves Lady Friends.  Sheila and I took this bullet for you.

BAFTA - Bring Another Fashion Test, Already.

 

So, yes, the BAFTAs are yet another bellwether of Oscar’s final outcome. And yes, I like where this is heading (12 Years, anyone?).

But royal presence does not (always) guarantee good taste.

NO. NO. NO.

 YES....

 HELL YES

And one more of these, and Lupita will have a clean sweep this season... so yes, please

Since We're Talking Clothes...

I will never, ever, ever get sick of looking at this dress.

 

Ever.

Oscar nominee luncheon - otherwise known as another opportunity to critique apparel

So, today was the 86th Oscars Nominees Luncheon at the Beverly Hilton Hotel. 

I'm thinking maybe next year we need to take this day off as a holiday and have our own luncheon. 

12 Years a Slave

As has been already stated, 12 Years a Slave is the movie we have been waiting for. In some ways, it is the movie we have, in fact, been waiting for for decades. No other tale of slavery has done such an agonizingly brilliant job of portraying the story of one man as the story of a people. 

I will not offer any spoilers here, as I agree that each should experience this film clean and clear. But, as films should be judged, this one passes every test.

McQueen’s direction is soulful – long takes and moving landscapes are juxtaposed against sub-human routines which draw out over years. Ejiofor’s Northup is easily the most complete character in recent memory – a man who keeps fear, faith, and disbelief welled in his eyes all at once. And Lupita Nyong’o’s Patsey leaves you aching for an end.   Offering Michael Fassbender accolades seems almost crass, which speaks to his brilliant villainy.

Although this is Northup’s tale, and we are clearly and specifically invested in it, we remain keenly aware that it was his prior freedom that made his story unusual, not the existence he experienced during those 12 years. This was the shameful fate suffered by generations. 

During one excruciating scene, four people got up and left the theater I sat in. One of these, over her shoulder, said to her companion, “I will never xxx prejudice again.” I didn’t catch the 4^th word. “Be”? “Tolerate”? “Understand”? Either way, she came into the movie one way and left another. I don’t know what affected me more – that she was changed, or that it took this movie to change her. After all, it’s been 173 years since Northup was kidnapped.